Today, I awoke and still thought that this must be a nightmare that I'll wake from soon. But reading the tweets and direct messages from people on Twitter and Facebook made me realize that this isn't going to fade like a nightmare. This happened. 

The feeling of helplessness on the mountain is what is difficult to handle. All that we had known at the time was that Ryan was missing. All we could do was call for help. And when the fire department helicopter arrived, all that we could do was pray that they find him. When we were informed that he had been found, there was nothing to do but pray that he was okay. The emergency teams didn't want to let us know his condition until we got to the bottom of the trail. With painful uncertainty in mind, we had to continue down. But since we were still a long way into the trail it was a couple hours before we could find out what had happened.

I knew in my mind that this wasn't going to end well. There were too many signs that said he had left this world. Calling his phone gave an "invalid number" message, searching for his name on Twitter to see if he was ahead of us somehow brought back no results, and there was no answer to our repeated shouts. It was all but confirmed when I saw the helicopter pass by carrying a blue object on it's gurney. It was horrible to continue forward knowing that the news at the end would not be anything any of us wanted to hear. And still, when we were told the news, it didn't seem real or possible.

Ryan will be missed by thousands. He was a great man that always encouraged people to strive for what they believe in. He was always able to speak his mind and know that there was no shame in saying what he thought. He stood out; bright as his shorts, as someone who strived for dedication to everything he touched even if it meant that he couldn't do things for himself. He also knew that he wasn't perfect and I appreciated him for it. He accepted the faults of others and pushed them to help themselves. He was also the most humble person I knew. No credit was necessary with Ryan. 

He would often say that "happiness is overrated", but I cannot believe that to be true given that he brought happiness to so many people. The posts online prove that this is the case. Everyone he knew in person and those that he did not are lending their thoughts and concern to each other. It is good to know that he has so many people that care for him.

Everyone is still in shock over the sudden loss of an exemplary member of many communities. I cannot help but think of the mother and aunt that he cared for, his sister, family and friends that will have a huge empty space in their lives now that he's gone. I want to do as much as I can for them in this time of loss. It is the least that I can do for all the good Ryan has done for me.

Please be in a better place, Ryan. Please know that you have changed so many people. And please know that we will do all we can to make sure that the people you cared for will continue to be cared for. Aloha, Ryan. Until we meet again.